At some point, either before or after you visit Thrillvania Haunted House in Dallas, Texas, you’re likely going to have to prepare for the annual trek of the Trick-or-Treaters, those loathsome creatures who knock on your door and demand treats in exchange for not toilet papering your house or egging your car. Here are the top 10 candies they’re looking for and the 10 candies that will bring you a world of hurt should you choose to ignore our advice.
Top 10 Best Candies To Pass Out On Halloween
Snickers Bars – The mother lode for Trick-or-Treaters. Nothing trumps a Snickers Bar and your home will be forever under the protection of every kid who receives one when they knock on your door.
Reese’s Cups – Want those kids to stay off your lawn and out of your leaf pile? Give them Reese’s cups – even miniatures will do. Nothing goes together better than kids, peanut butter and chocolate.
Kit-Kat Bars – Rounding out the trifecta of confectionery perfection – Kit-Kat Bars. There’s something about the snap of those chocolate covered wafers that makes a kid put that roll of toilet paper back in his bike rack and leave your house alone.
Plain M&Ms – No, no the Peanut M&Ms and not the M&M’s with mint in the middle, just plain old M&Ms. The bigger the bag the better, but even minis will do.
Reese’s Pieces – Popular since ET landed and started whining to use the phone, Reese’s Pieces are always a hit and carry almost maximum points in the after-Halloween trading game.
Nestle’s Crunch Bars – Not quite on par with Snickers and Kit-Kats but it’s chocolate, it’s crunchy and it doesn’t have nuts. Most kids either don’t like nuts or they’re allergic, but they do love chocolate so this is always a safe choice.
Sourpatch Kids – We would have never included this in the mix but members of our polling audience (a six- and seven-year-old boy) say these are top contenders for first place at their school.
Milk Duds – Generally, kids don’t really like caramel. BUT – when you cover it with chocolate and shape it into something resembling rabbit poop, then yeah, they’re all for it.
Tootsie Rolls – The six-year-old likes the minis and the seven-year-old wants the full size bar. Either way, you win because Tootsie Rolls are still pretty cheap.
Candy Necklaces – At the very end of our polling session the little girl next door stopped by and insisted we include candy necklaces. Again, they’re cheap and apparently kids like them – at least the girls do, anyway. And you can take satisfaction in knowing that you gave every kid in the neighborhood a sticky, crud-encrusted neck.
Top 10 Worst Candies To Pass Out On Halloween
Almond Joy or Mounds Bars – No kid has ever said, “Boy! I hope I get chocolate covered coconut when I go Trick-or-Treating tonight.” NO kid. EVER.
Second-Tier Candy Bars – This includes Clark bars, Whatchamacallits, Mars Bars, Chunkies, O’Charley’s, Zero Bars, Paydays, and any other candy bar that isn’t specifically listed in the Top 10 above. They all cost the same so spend your money on treats that won’t make your house the next target.
Bubble Gum – Most kids these days don’t even know what to do with bubblegum – they’re parents have never let them chew it because “it’ll rot your teeth out!”
Candy Corn – This makes no sense at all. Each year billions of little pieces of candy corn are produced but no one admits to eating it, they just use it to decorate the table or mix it with salted peanuts to make faux Payday candy bars – and nobody likes those, either!
Halloween Peeps – Peeps are for Easter and even then the only reason your kids want them is so they can see what happens when they put them in the microwave.
Nerds – Popular the year they were introduced – and ONLY that year – Nerds are just Pop Rocks without the pop. Boring.
Smarties – Seriously? Have you ever eaten a whole roll of Smarties? If so, did you ever say, “Man, I love me some Smarties. Give me more!” We’re betting you didn’t and we’re also betting you don’t remember soaping all the windows in that house when you were a kid.
Pop Rocks – Pop Rocks are just Nerds that … pop. They’re like popcorn. It’s a neat idea – for a minute. Then it’s just boring.
Lollipops – Charms Blow-Pops, Dum Dum Suckers, those fancy lollipops made out of chocolate or the ones with the weird Jelly Belly flavors… they’re all the same – worthless to a kid who’s trying to trade for that coveted Snickers Bar or a box of Milk Duds.
We understand candy is expensive these days and you think it’s better to pass out Smarties and Bazooka Bubblegum than to pass out nothing at all. We disagree. If you leave your light off and pass out nothing at all, the kids will assume you’re just not home or you had to rush off for an emergency appendectomy. But if you pass out the low-grade candy they’re going to know you’re home and they’ll know you’re a cheapskate. It’s one night a year. Do you really want to take that chance?